Quick To Listen
Louise duval
MA, LPC, LAC, CAC
08/24/2026
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires.” (James 1:19-20).
Lately, I have been reflecting on how many arguments and conflicts could be avoided by just listening to what the other person is saying. Two common things that lead to disagreements are not hearing what the person said correctly or having a difference of opinion. You can fix not hearing someone correctly by checking whether what you heard is what they meant, and if not, giving them a chance to explain what they wanted you to hear.
If you have a difference of opinion, one thing to think about is, does it really matter? Can you continue to have a good relationship with the person even though they think differently? A wise person once explained that it's good to “be curious about other people.” Truly get curious about why they think the way they do and try to understand. Ask questions not to change their opinion, but to better understand who they are and what they believe. When you take time to listen to another person, you communicate that they are valuable and important to you because it takes time to listen. In our fast-paced world, people rarely take time for people. When a person knows you value them enough to take time for them, they feel important and are more willing to listen to what you have to say, which can lead to a good conversation and a deeper relationship, even if you both still leave with different opinions.
Sometimes you may encounter a difference that does matter; maybe the person is engaging in a dangerous lifestyle, or the way they are living is contrary to the way God instructs us to live. In that case, it is not just a difference of opinion, and it really does matter. In that case, you can use the same process. If you listen, the person feels valued and is more willing to listen to what you have to say. If you listen, you hear what they believe and why, and you can look for ways to relate to them and help them see the truth. If you listen, you slow your own response down, which gives time for God to work. If you want a person to see the truth, God is the only one who can open their heart to see it. Maybe it is not the right time for them to hear the truth, and right now, they just need to see how valuable they are. Maybe you get them to the place they need to be to hear the truth, and someone else gets to share it. In this case, you pray for them and trust God to do the rest.
The end of this verse is also important. We should be slow to become angry. Anger itself is not bad, but we often act out of anger, and when we do, our actions do not reflect the right life God wants us to live. Often, it helps to ask yourself: Why am I angry? Anger can come because you misunderstood what was said and are hurt. Anger can come because you are more interested in sharing your opinion and getting them to agree with you than you are in listening to them. Slowing down to ask yourself why you are angry, then taking time to listen to yourself and then to the other person, diffuses the anger and prevents you from doing something you will regret later. It may also lead to a deeper friendship instead of one broken by conflict.