Carolyn Klejment-Lavin
MA, LPC/A, NCC
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (NIV)
We were not designed to do life alone. Yet in our current time, loneliness has been called an epidemic, and for good reason. Despite being more digitally connected than ever, many of us long for meaningful friendship. Making friends as an adult can be very challenging. Our lives are full of responsibilities, routines, and competing demands, and the natural opportunities for friendship that once came through school and shared activities have become less frequent.
So how do we make good friends later in life? It certainly takes intention. And perhaps the best way to begin is simply to start.
In his recent book Vibe, psychologist Adam Grant challenges some of our assumptions about friendship with current research on relationships. He shares that we don't necessarily have to be alike or share many interests to connect, that a sense of connection doesn't always happen immediately, and that meaningful closeness can also develop more quickly than we might expect. Sometimes it begins with a conversation that goes a little deeper than small talk, an invitation for coffee, or showing up to a group where we don't know anyone yet.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that we need one another. Good friendships offer encouragement, support, and the simple comfort of knowing someone is there when life gets difficult. But those relationships rarely appear out of nowhere. They grow when we make room for one another.
If you've been longing for deeper connection, consider taking one small step. Send the text. Accept the invitation. Ask someone to coffee. Join the group. It may feel awkward at first, and that's okay. You don't have to build a whole community in a day. You just have to begin.